אבזתיבו

Records, dreams, thoughts, contacts





5/28/2019





8/23/2019

[xxx]





10/18/2019

i cant fucking belive i have a website
also ive decided to have a redacted gif
it looks nice.
isnt it cool?





1/8/2020

it dosent feel real to exist, and that its 2020.
the fuck.





1/10-11/2020

so um, whats up? within me getting a new laptop ive decided that it would be good to revamp my whole, entire, website and life. around Dec. 19,2019 i was so low,[REDACTED]and in general ive just been thinking about this site alot, i no longer feel like a constat state of anxiety has a chokehold, it still does, just not as tight.
2019 was one of the worst years of my life. i want to make 2020 a hell of alot better for my mental state and my adhd, autsim, and ptsd ect..
i also want N and me to become even closer friends, cause i know people sometimes dont talk after highschool now but hes one of the people ive grown closest too and its just i dont want him to abandon me cause..
we homies. oi think hes one of the coolest people i know and i really wanna spend more time with him, and J.
ive also finnaly!! fixed my music page,
i litterally dont fucking know how to embed videos and pairing them up with text, ugh... fucking MESS!!!!
i think the link layout is so much sleeker and more ~OlDw3B~ than the prievious. i feel like now my lifes gonna do good things for me.
also i now have a red/yellow magic deck Ns gonna teach me how to use!!! its nearly 2am i really have to sleep.



1/12/2020

i stole some bugs to feed my refrigerator
please note also i am scared of bugs

also ive recently been watching this and oh my god what the fuck
like im not judging but...some of it *cringe*



1/13/2020

so uh i feel like an idiot,
a song ive litterally been vibing to for months was not the song name i thought it was.
like im sorry but sometimes all goth songs have very very simular uhh names??
like dead girl, she passed away ect ect. like im vibing tryna look like this
and every time i would type that combination into youtube it would show up and i barely thought anything of it.
massive idiot.
today was the first day back to classes.
i so far really like my scedual execpt for one class,
i would personally preferr to drop it tho,
i dont think i would do well.
i found out my numerology numbers today. it was interesting.
11. 8. 8. 9.




1/18/2020

i dont know what my stance on religion is. but i belive that i am a fallen angel.
i am in line with metatron and me praying to him he has been helping me. sometimes when i dream i dont get nightmares but i am alone and i am transformed into a bunny.
i am in the flower of life and i cant describe what he is telling me but there is a smell and i reconize the smell. i forgot what i was saying.
im litsening to this.
its good i like it. thanks josh for sending me the shirt :)



2/11/2020

The Good Patch Her• Patch:Review, By your's truly

☠ ☹DO NOT BUY☹ ☠

i have terrible pms symptoms and ive bought these terrible $12 fucking bucks patches to help with symptoms.
well they got my money, i feel really cad cause sometimes i think there working and then i just get a bad cramp. ☹



3/17/2020

im in love with my best friend.
we kissed and did things yesterday and im still in love with him.
its clearly hurting him and me but when were together things just...feel right to me
i meet him.
i fell for him (idk if he fell for me).
i cripple under the unrelenting weight of my secret affection,
which im way too terrified to express.
i dont want to loose him
he was the only one there for me when i OD'ed, or during the worst summer of my life, i feel terrible because hes litterally the rock of my life and i never want him to leave me or to see him go.
weve said i love you before and its true, i love him, so so so so much.
i never want to hurt him.
"Finding a casual way to say that I feel weird and I’m gonna take a minute to work things out on my end."
Ah, I see. Dude Do you not want to talk to me
"Not for at least a little while"
Idk what to say I’m sorry
he dosent hate me im just so scared i never want to loose him.
ive been dreaming about him , metatron, my satanic beings and my future with him.
they make me happy.



5/3/2020

knife party. its one of the songs that just fucking PROJECTS me into the 7ht demetion.
like i am litterally a fucking cube rn. i love chino omg. also placebo,
i usually dont fucking go for male falsettos but brians vocals are litterally
the fucking t and i cant imagine anything else just LITSEN TO 36 DEGREEZ THX.
satanic beings have been a bit weird,
since im the supream princess of hell or whatever. idk i just have alot of issues w maldaptive daydreams.
lol. but quarintine hasnt been that bad for me, im already a semi neet or whatever
so i kinda enjoy it and how people like now are hardly ever out at night is litterally kinda my dream
minus corona-chan. i wish that like could kinda be like this forever.
also i shouldnt fucking keep doing thesel logs at like 3 am cause yknow.
in my mind me and my lover say i love you then



7/1/2020

i wish i was dead. i havent eaten for 7 days.
this & this



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